Marriage Counselling for Resolving Conflicts

Marriage Counselling for Resolving Conflicts


Conflicts are an inevitable aspect of every marriage. When two individuals from diverse backgrounds, beliefs, and expectations join together, disagreements are bound to occur. However, unresolved conflicts can gradually deteriorate the foundation of a marriage, leading to feelings of resentment, emotional distance, and unhappiness. Here the role of Marriage Counselling for Resolving Conflicts becomes significant.


Conflict is unavoidable. Dr. John Gottman’s research reveals that in healthy and happy relationships, the approach to conflict is gentle. When one partner is bothered by something, they approach the issue in a softer manner. They keep their physiological arousal level low by taking breaks when they become too upset. Couples who are content in their relationship repair their interactions after making mistakes or saying hurtful things, and they de-escalate the situation if it becomes negative. They strive to find a compromise or create a respectful and safe space to honor each other’s differences.

Constructive conflict management begins with the development of six skills:

  1. Start the conversation gently: How a partner initiates a conversation within the first three minutes is crucial for resolving relationship conflicts. When most arguments begin in a gentle manner, the relationship is more likely to be stable and happy.
  2. Complain without blaming: Regardless of how much you believe your partner is at fault, approaching them with criticism and accusations is unproductive. It’s all about the approach.
  3. Use “I” statements instead of “You” statements: Starting sentences with “I” is less likely to come across as critical, preventing your partner from immediately becoming defensive. Instead of saying, “You are not listening to me,” you can say, “I don’t feel heard right now.”
  4. Describe without judgment: Instead of accusing or blaming your partner, simply describe what you observe in the situation. Even if you are frustrated, maintaining self-control will be worthwhile in the end. Rather than saying, “You never watch our kids,” try saying, “I’m really exhausted. Could you help out with the kids?”
  5. Be polite and appreciative: Just because you are in conflict with your partner doesn’t mean that your respect and affection for them have diminished. Including phrases like “please” and “I appreciate it when you…” can be helpful in maintaining warmth and emotional connection even during difficult conversations.
  6. Address issues promptly: When you are tired and overwhelmed, one issue can lead to another, and you may find yourself bringing up a laundry list of unrelated issues with your partner. The solution is not to wait to address an issue. Your conflict discussions will be far more productive when you don’t allow the situation to escalate.

By implementing these skills, couples can effectively manage conflicts in their marriage, fostering understanding, compromise, and a stronger emotional connection.

Marriage Counselling for Resolving Conflicts

Marriage counseling offers a supportive and unbiased environment where couples can gain insights into their own triggers, address underlying issues, and learn techniques for managing conflicts in a healthy way. By investing in marriage counseling, couples commit to the growth and well-being of their relationship, creating the opportunity for a more harmonious, fulfilling, and resilient marriage.

Source: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert, Gottman, J. M. (2015).  


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