Marriage Counselling for Building Trust

Marriage Counselling for Building Trust:

The Sound Relationship House consists of two foundational pillars that serve as the “weight-bearing walls” of a strong relationship. These pillars are essential for establishing stability and forming the basis for a healthy partnership. The first pillar is Trust.

Dr. John Gottman has developed a method called the “trust metric” to quantitatively evaluate trust within a relationship. At the beginning of a relationship, it’s common to have a high trust metric, indicating a strong belief that your partner genuinely has your best interests at heart.

According to Dr. Gottman, trust is built through small moments he refers to as “sliding door moments.” In each interaction, there are two choices: either turning away or connecting with your partner. It involves deciding whether to solely focus on your own desires or taking the time to understand why your partner may be feeling sad or upset. When you prioritize your partner’s emotions and needs alongside your own, trust is strengthened. However, consistently choosing to turn away erodes trust gradually.

It’s important to recognize that trust is built over time, gradually and steadily.

Strategies for building trust lie in attunement (acronym ATTNUE):

Awareness: Being aware of your partner’s emotions. 

Turning toward: Actively turning toward your partner’s emotions. 

Tolerance: Showing tolerance for differing viewpoints. 

Understanding: Striving to understand your partner’s perspective. 

Non-defensive responding: Responding in a non-defensive manner. 

Empathy: Demonstrate empathy in your responses.

Marriage Counselling for Building Trust

In every relationship, betrayals can occur, whether they accumulate slowly like small dents or happen suddenly like a crash. These betrayals provide unique opportunities for trust-building.

Rebuilding trust in a marriage is a challenging journey that requires dedication, patience, and professional guidance. Marriage counseling offers a vital support system for couples seeking to repair trust that has been damaged. Engaging in open conversations with your partner about how you both will navigate inevitable betrayals can help increase the trust metric. For instance, discussing how you will handle misunderstandings, unmet expectations, poor choices, and coping behaviors can foster an environment that strengthens trust. With the assistance of a trained counselor, couples can create a stronger, more resilient foundation that paves the way for a renewed sense of trust love, and lifelong partnership.


By actively working on trust and having ongoing conversations, you lay the groundwork for a solid and resilient relationship. Remember, trust is not fixed, but a continuous process that requires mutual effort and understanding.

Sources : Source: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert, Gottman, J. M. (2015).  


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